We are all going to die. This I know and I'm sure I signed up for it at the gate. Sadly though, when we die tragically, or with pitiful atrophy, one must understand the piercing of the heart is not merely from grief, but possibly from guilt.
I'm seasoned with guilt and remorse over the death of my surrogate stepfather, Willie Webster, a man who fell early in life but came out of it, rose up, met my mother, and took me in as his son.
As a father figure, he was never a quietly good fit, we had our differences. I was a quiet, frightened child then, so timid but knowing. We didn't argue or anything, but there was a lot of tense air for a while and to this day I can still feel it when I know things aren't right. Despite this, though, he did his best to provide for us, to work and trod home, to a house endearing to his fatigue, his inner restlessness, his desire for internal solace.
He was a good man - although bereft with his own guilt and confusion - but that damn sure wasn't the end of him, and nowhere close to the majority of him. I love him and will miss him. May his soul find peace, light, and understanding.
Once I found out he died, I didn't cry. He's not suffering anymore. No tears were shed. But I felt it. I felt it deep in me. I'm not sad, not grasping for anything, but I feel it. There is no explanation of anything right now.
What is certain, however, is that you will never be forgotten. Never. I will send prayers to you daily, and prayers upon your family. I love you and appreciate all you've done for me in this life. If you're watching me, watch a powerful man grow, ever quickly, ever reaching further. The limits of understanding are within my grasp. This life is also for you too Willie. Thank you.
For anyone who lost a loved one today or any day since or before, like the Blue Oyster Cult said, "Don't fear the Reaper". We will all someday meet and fear will mean nothing then, just as it means little now. Uplift their names and do right by them. Do their spirits proud.
Rest in Peace Willie Webster,
-Julius McClendon
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
There will be time to rest
Is what one of my uncles told me in a careful, pin and needle conversation recently. Although we danced around volatile tension, the transfer of wisdom between us is always endearingly stuffed with vies for dominance. As a young sun, it's difficult not to see the right in your every step, and it's good to know someone older and possibly wiser than you has the care in them to let you know, in whatever way, that you don't know a damn thing.
So during this, one of the things we talked about was being a man - and having the discern to see what a real man was as compared to what happens when you don't "make the grade." It seems that much of what creates a man is based on the direction of his thoughts, a root from which everything else cascades. For a man, to be good means to develop momentum of good thoughts, and then to ripple that momentum out physically - so then he's doing good things. Your intent, therefore, is your compass. The purpose then becomes to decide which way this intent will go.
In any given direction, there is potential for power, ruin, and victory. Too much of any of those will change you, in whatever slant that direction is. So if your intent is to be the most attractive male you know, then you start on a quest to develop this power.
Now once you get it - and you will - then you have to worry about abuse. Will you downplay others for your own selfishness? Will you spiritually become a bully? This direction, selfish in nature, will now crust over, giving you thick skin and feelings which are consequently hard to pierce. You become now ruined as long as you cling onto the selfishness, because you become isolated. That isolation leads you to power, but keeps you from circulating that power...because you are isolated So it implodes eventually.
But the other important factor is being able to work - to not dodge or create crafty machines to do the work for you, but to have the physical capacity to serve. There is no higher purpose today than to serve your fellow man. "There will be time to rest," he says. I believe him.
Be well,
-Julius
So during this, one of the things we talked about was being a man - and having the discern to see what a real man was as compared to what happens when you don't "make the grade." It seems that much of what creates a man is based on the direction of his thoughts, a root from which everything else cascades. For a man, to be good means to develop momentum of good thoughts, and then to ripple that momentum out physically - so then he's doing good things. Your intent, therefore, is your compass. The purpose then becomes to decide which way this intent will go.
In any given direction, there is potential for power, ruin, and victory. Too much of any of those will change you, in whatever slant that direction is. So if your intent is to be the most attractive male you know, then you start on a quest to develop this power.
Now once you get it - and you will - then you have to worry about abuse. Will you downplay others for your own selfishness? Will you spiritually become a bully? This direction, selfish in nature, will now crust over, giving you thick skin and feelings which are consequently hard to pierce. You become now ruined as long as you cling onto the selfishness, because you become isolated. That isolation leads you to power, but keeps you from circulating that power...because you are isolated So it implodes eventually.
But the other important factor is being able to work - to not dodge or create crafty machines to do the work for you, but to have the physical capacity to serve. There is no higher purpose today than to serve your fellow man. "There will be time to rest," he says. I believe him.
Be well,
-Julius
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Surface Level Tension
So I'm in that mildewed butterfly zone of toxic bubbled trouble, and it's about as ass as you can get.
I'm in debt, I see the light and want to be an entrepreneur but am starting with a cough's amount of skrilla, I have to finish school,
I've got a few courtiers that are offering wonderful but currently flimsy opportunities. And no car to twiddle with them in a timely and consistent way. So what does this billowing brain do?
Get a job. Says my uncle, the well meaning and most practical man on the planet. He's a good guy, does well and means well - he just knows a bit about what it means to fuck up in life and not be able to go back. I've got a job, but one is enough - it's a stream of income that trades my time for it's earnings, and that's a system I only halfway agree with, because you can earn far more when...you aren't attached to an office/chair/job/position and you're free to earn far more. But you've got to have strategies to earn more or else it's just you slacking because you're not sure how to use the time masterfully. So sayeth Julius.
Another thing Julius is always yapping about is subordinate modeling, a form of hierarchal preservation...but more on that when there isn't a watching baby in the post.
So here's what I'm going to do, because if I don't do something soon, crying and bitchdom will have their time, and that simply cannot be allowed.
1. Plan. 2. Act on the plan. 3. Assess the result. 4. Checkpoint Celebration. 5. Return to one.
The fleshing of these steps is a private matter for now, because I've known in the past that talk is cheap unless it carries weight. When I get to #4, we'll talk during the celebration. ;)
Monday, March 31, 2008
Not better than, different from
Astonishingly enough, I've caught myself in a rut, riddled with feh flavoured moments of dismal failure and bitter confusion. I'll recover, but I've erected a poem for that moment of victory:
I see you've come a little different
now
Not so wanting any more.
Hopeful inside,
your selfishness has left you
But your willful stride has not.
I see you've shaved with calm strokes today
Where again is that stress you so taskingly display?
Are you on a whim again
Or trying harder?
Is your day longer
or your night shorter?
Who is at the reins of you?
I have kept myself in order
you have not in my eyes
But now, these eyes are lowered,
and my mouth silent.
and before them stands a man
not like the one I knew before.
He is agile and sleek in thoughts
his charm effortless
and his problems gated,
not hidden but on display.
So maybe I'll study
because perhaps I will have to know
what it means to be
different from
instead of better than
for a height unshared
is no height; but a calm prison
Sometimes.
I see you've come a little different
now
Not so wanting any more.
Hopeful inside,
your selfishness has left you
But your willful stride has not.
I see you've shaved with calm strokes today
Where again is that stress you so taskingly display?
Are you on a whim again
Or trying harder?
Is your day longer
or your night shorter?
Who is at the reins of you?
I have kept myself in order
you have not in my eyes
But now, these eyes are lowered,
and my mouth silent.
and before them stands a man
not like the one I knew before.
He is agile and sleek in thoughts
his charm effortless
and his problems gated,
not hidden but on display.
So maybe I'll study
because perhaps I will have to know
what it means to be
different from
instead of better than
for a height unshared
is no height; but a calm prison
Sometimes.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Handle it Motivational #001
"Let your talk be the clothing of your action, and let your action define who you are. Let this identity form your role in your society, and let your society form a collective perspective. Let this collective perspective optimize this society, and its existence benefit the world."
-Julius McClendon
What works today is not the same fiber of thought that will work tomorrow, at least not in the same way. New answers to ageless issues are commonplace, because the issues are recieved differently from each generation. Principles do not adhere to scale, and so learning powerful principles is prime wisdom for today's acheiver. Or at least I think so.
On that note, I haven't done a concrete thing with myself for at least 6 months. So much habitual planning and perspectives that relate to planning - it's limited today. Since everything is available in such abundance now, ideally new and fresh ways of presentation and adaptation solidify people by a collected outreach. Everyone will get the message, just not the same way. It's like a macrocosm of marketing techniques, but in a glamourously efficient way. Think about it. Feel it.
Those closer to their intuition today should be wise in their asking or depending on the outside world. Be well.
Have a good one.
-Julius McClendon
What works today is not the same fiber of thought that will work tomorrow, at least not in the same way. New answers to ageless issues are commonplace, because the issues are recieved differently from each generation. Principles do not adhere to scale, and so learning powerful principles is prime wisdom for today's acheiver. Or at least I think so.
On that note, I haven't done a concrete thing with myself for at least 6 months. So much habitual planning and perspectives that relate to planning - it's limited today. Since everything is available in such abundance now, ideally new and fresh ways of presentation and adaptation solidify people by a collected outreach. Everyone will get the message, just not the same way. It's like a macrocosm of marketing techniques, but in a glamourously efficient way. Think about it. Feel it.
Those closer to their intuition today should be wise in their asking or depending on the outside world. Be well.
Have a good one.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Get good at what you don't know
Life is a game to those who play it well, a job for those who don't quite know how to, and hell for everyone else. So I say. Even still, most of what goes for hardship in life is simply not knowing how to do certain things well. When you have something you'd like to improve on, go for it. Don't do too much thinking about all that. Just sort of fall into it. Too much thinking leads to prudence -and prudence gone stale is just a bunch of shit left undone - so handle whatever it is you've been avoiding because of your "ignorance" or whatever it is that barriered your ass from handling.
In daily news, I feel for life. I'm not feeling from a pedestal, but still I see that things are getting submerged in this sort of quasi-ultra-PC bullshit and it's got to be stopped. The only thing that will stop it is comedy. That's it. I'm going to take a shot at it, and succeed. There. It's in writing someplace in the world that I'm a hilarious comedian. I'm not interested in making you chuckle. Pounds of horseshit comedy out there to get that to you pretty nicely.
Also too - raunch is not the way to go today. Everyone is raunchy - it's a special sort of raunch, one outside of the performancy Jewish sizzle that we all have come to enjoy and tolerate over the years. It's funny, but no longer the status quo. Let the young, vibrant comedians come through and bash their lack of confidence to the ground with their mind shattering laugh techniques. To any old timer reading this, it's gotta happen. Trust. You, me, and every generation to come will enjoy the rippling of this well done.
Enough for now, though. When something else comes through, I'll let you know. Time for some pushups, situps, and some careful planning of my night and tomorrow's energetic mid term day!
Have a good one!
-Jelles
In daily news, I feel for life. I'm not feeling from a pedestal, but still I see that things are getting submerged in this sort of quasi-ultra-PC bullshit and it's got to be stopped. The only thing that will stop it is comedy. That's it. I'm going to take a shot at it, and succeed. There. It's in writing someplace in the world that I'm a hilarious comedian. I'm not interested in making you chuckle. Pounds of horseshit comedy out there to get that to you pretty nicely.
Also too - raunch is not the way to go today. Everyone is raunchy - it's a special sort of raunch, one outside of the performancy Jewish sizzle that we all have come to enjoy and tolerate over the years. It's funny, but no longer the status quo. Let the young, vibrant comedians come through and bash their lack of confidence to the ground with their mind shattering laugh techniques. To any old timer reading this, it's gotta happen. Trust. You, me, and every generation to come will enjoy the rippling of this well done.
Enough for now, though. When something else comes through, I'll let you know. Time for some pushups, situps, and some careful planning of my night and tomorrow's energetic mid term day!
Have a good one!
-Jelles
Monday, March 10, 2008
Changes to be so serious about.
Here's a few after I made some work over here:
myspace.com/jadevillaine
and here
iamhiphop.com/jadevillaine
It's going down because it's all about power brands, bro. Everyone's making real estate, let's occupy. Let's become a force to be used for good. Good Force. Something simple and awesome. I think that's a good thing, this Good Force. I'm using that soon, foo.
So here we are, though not being ushered down a street of crying. In other words, it's Guy Mode, which means hell yea we're getting involved with doing the right thing, but in a hardnosed, get-to-the-point way. It's on point. Right there. Straight out. Here it is without dithering any longer:
1)Be Closer to Mom. She deserves some closeness. It's difficult, because my mother can be a cactus at times, but its a small price to pay to have your mother around. There will come times when it's truly important to have her. Her love never dulls, it's brightness cascaded only by her choosing. Peace and good will to all those Good Mothers out there. The ones who keep their children from wrong's arms, and instill organic and ever evolving discipline and respect in the core of their being. Your kids are going to save the world.
2)Be Closer to Life. You're in the sky so so often. It's beginning to get dusty down there. Clean up. Get right. Straighten your face to the place. Get Light. Get serious. Get through. (That's a song too y'all) Ardy Lightfoot all the way, man.
3)Be with God. Got is in you. And above you. And Through you. The spirits are lighter that smoke. Take that Gem and go be powerful!
4)Be Hustlemode-ish. Remember that what you do not build, will not yield any result. When you build something, you will reap the reward of it being built. Whatever love, quality, and sentiment you put into it, the result of it will radiate from and off and through the "whatever." That energy will then be absorbed by nearby energies as well. It's very important to be positive with your product, and to get it out often.
5)Be Humble. As you've learned, nobody likes a pushy newcomer. It's disgusting. It's a blurred reflection from what they remember having to endure coming up. Who wants to think that some partial ass wiping, 1 ply shitstain is going to have the moxie, strive and vision to go all out and totally win? It's unsettling. Let good thoughts be with you. Travel. One day we will have it...
Have a good one,
-Jelles
myspace.com/jadevillaine
and here
iamhiphop.com/jadevillaine
It's going down because it's all about power brands, bro. Everyone's making real estate, let's occupy. Let's become a force to be used for good. Good Force. Something simple and awesome. I think that's a good thing, this Good Force. I'm using that soon, foo.
So here we are, though not being ushered down a street of crying. In other words, it's Guy Mode, which means hell yea we're getting involved with doing the right thing, but in a hardnosed, get-to-the-point way. It's on point. Right there. Straight out. Here it is without dithering any longer:
1)Be Closer to Mom. She deserves some closeness. It's difficult, because my mother can be a cactus at times, but its a small price to pay to have your mother around. There will come times when it's truly important to have her. Her love never dulls, it's brightness cascaded only by her choosing. Peace and good will to all those Good Mothers out there. The ones who keep their children from wrong's arms, and instill organic and ever evolving discipline and respect in the core of their being. Your kids are going to save the world.
2)Be Closer to Life. You're in the sky so so often. It's beginning to get dusty down there. Clean up. Get right. Straighten your face to the place. Get Light. Get serious. Get through. (That's a song too y'all) Ardy Lightfoot all the way, man.
3)Be with God. Got is in you. And above you. And Through you. The spirits are lighter that smoke. Take that Gem and go be powerful!
4)Be Hustlemode-ish. Remember that what you do not build, will not yield any result. When you build something, you will reap the reward of it being built. Whatever love, quality, and sentiment you put into it, the result of it will radiate from and off and through the "whatever." That energy will then be absorbed by nearby energies as well. It's very important to be positive with your product, and to get it out often.
5)Be Humble. As you've learned, nobody likes a pushy newcomer. It's disgusting. It's a blurred reflection from what they remember having to endure coming up. Who wants to think that some partial ass wiping, 1 ply shitstain is going to have the moxie, strive and vision to go all out and totally win? It's unsettling. Let good thoughts be with you. Travel. One day we will have it...
Have a good one,
-Jelles
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