there is a conspiracy against me.

It stRTED when I was young.

I was maybe 18, or 19 at the time, and I was headed to work. Now work to me was youTHink, a social non profit. I sued to tell people I worked there, and they would give me a funny look. I don't think they took it seriously, because it did not have benefits. There was no dental plan. It was under the table the way I got in, but the check was legitimate.

 The check also was small. On the way there, I wore a green shirt and blue pants, Nothing especially stellar, just my lack on style and youth. I saw another man, dressed in EXACTLY the same ting, a bit to my right, in the distance. I felt I was being followed.

Later, a woman who worked with Sunji Ali, took me around the neighborhood. She showed me a man with EXACTLY the same clothes on as me. I couldn't believe it. All the way down to the socks and perhaps the shoes too, but I didn't check those.

I was stunned and shocked. I later went on to buy her some chicken. Her name was Pamela, and she is on a song entitled Homeboy from Sunji before he passed.

This continues today. Now we have many folks sucking off me and prospering. Profiting, getting their share of what they stole. They call it business, they call it progress. They act rude, and try to make you look bad, as if you are the crumb and they are the original. No one ought to be the crumb, and I am the original.

I suppose this is not something to cry for, because it will continue. you have children that are born now, being taught it's ok to steal. It's called inspiration now, not theft.

I had a vision of being at a store and there was a blue sweatered man to my right. He was not smiling at me and appeared to be threatening. He had the same wild hair as you see now, the dread or what have you. I appeared afraid, and ready to fight. I didn't have to.

I then was at some restaurant. There were sitting with me some black folks, people who you would consider modern progressives. The boujie, I have you don't types, people who sold out their heritage. People who wouldn't talk to you on the street. PEople who wouldn' be around you if you didn't have money. I sat with these people.

I was talking to them, or hearing them talk. They were all light skinned, not high yellow, but light enough to say they were light skinned. The man on my right was not friendly. The man before me was not smiling either. All the people seemed to be against me.

There was a table to my left. On that table, a man in a hoodie seemed to be talking to someone facing behind me. He also seemed to signify some awareness, like, revealing he used to be dirty. The hoodie was multicolored, and clean. I seemed to be able to tell he used to be dirty, but now he wasn't.

Behind HIM was another man, a black looking man, in a black hoodie. He was JET black. Blacker than skin. He was not a man. He looked at me, to his left, and was not smiling. He was frowning, gnashing his teeth. He was evil like. He was like, another being in a black body. He had the appearance of a really black man. But he was not black. He was like space. He was dark, not skin colored. He was another being.

Then, "5 balls" I hear. The man to my right reaches over to me, telling me this. He puts his arm on my right arm, like pulling me a little bit. I suddenly see this enormous blob of flesh, men's long penises jutting in and out of holes. These were like stomach holes. These were like gross perverse holes. All the bodies were like melted into one, and some men in the blob were sucking other men's dicks. All the dicks were long, all were like big and all were black. The men sucking looked frustrated, trapped, confused, lost in perversion. Pure lust. It was like out of a nighmare.

The blacker than night guy looked at me like, "now you know something" and gritted his teeth at me. They were sharp and knife like. If they bit you they could tear flesh. His skin shined in the light from the room. Were still like in a restaurant. I knew something now, maybe too much.

I woke up shortly after this and said something about Lauren Sanchez and Jeff Bezos. "She sold you out" I said. "For herself."

Something eerie is going on. The people I saw, all of them were mad. At me. Not at the world, or the cafe we were at. Just me. They all wanted me to die, I thought. I felt they were all out to get me.

What does that mean? It means they want to see me dead, as if it would solve a problem. It's like something was supposed to happen, and because I am alive, it didn't. Now, people are furious.

Christmas day, a man drove by my uncle and grimaced at me in the car. He too had a black hoodie on. This was in real life. It's something about the black hoodie, something about the grimacing. The man in the dream did the same thing.

But in the dream I smiled back. I gave a clown smile like, "yep, you can't stop the clown, da." I felt forced to do it, like defending myself. So you see, in both cases on the dream, I defended myself. It's something trying to get at me, and is not able to. So I have to defend my myself or show strength.

I don't know what is going on. All I know is I am alone in this to some degree. I don't have a job, I have only a little money, and I need to earn fast. I need more than $5000 a month. TJ's Mom, I saw her at the bank. She didn't say nothing. She was like, hesitant to say anything. I didn't say anything either. She wasn't wrong, but I could sense the tension. She was concerned about her son.

Some time ago, I told her mother I had plans to raise TJ. To take him from the environment he was in and raise him blue. Not so much gangs, but just the true blue way. The way I was raised. To do right, keep it tight, and always have honour. It's the only way.

I don't think the mom wants that, or will allow it, especially now. The dad kind of looks like Mr. Lamar, a dude who secretly likes Brenda and helped her escape my love. He helped her to embrace the neighborhood and stay with some military guy or whatever, but anyway not me. The sabotage of our relationship started way back. We didn't look right, I didn't have any money, and there was a young lady who liked me. She was trying to get my interest, but I was interested in Brenda's tits. Moreover than that, I was wondering myself whether or not we ought to be together, since I didn't know how to love Brenda then anyway. I know now, but I wish I had've then.

So there you have it. Strange perversions virusing the earth, and the people are with it. The reason, it's easier. No worries if you are perverted. No real consequences for imperfections. Easier to belong. But it's wrong. Gay is wrong. It's in schools. Are they going to have beer next? Are they ogoing to have heroin needles, sherm and weed blunts at school on campus?

I beg to differ. I am different all the way. My parents have been acting odd. I won't say wierd, out of respect. But the oddness is there.

My father was telling me about getting a job. I told him, If I can't make it, I'll have to get a job. He sounded relieved. "Yeah," he says. It's like he saying, "give it up son, get normal, and get in gear." I almost want to rebel. Then, he's raising two other kids! Tracy wants me dead, it seems like. If I was just gone, he wouldn't have to worry about California any more! HE could just focus on me, and the kids. Forget about California or Julius. He's a screwup any way. I don't really think she thinks that, but that's how it seems to me. I think she'd just rather I go away and let the twwo young men be the focus now. They're my siblings, but not blood!

So there you have it. Not to mention I have $12 paypal now. Or less. I have 4 something on the SJ, and 11 on the cat. I have a little fun scrather money, and few points from the laugh. It's a sad chapter because the money is low.

I think if I have a goal of $5000 a month online, then I have to be able to guarantee that income month after month after month. If I can guarantee the income of say $1500 a week, then I can say I have $5000 a month covered. But Lord, how do I do that? What is the method? What is the procedure?

Pray.

Lord.

What would I di without the church?

I am encouraged by God. I think The Lord really put it on me to work online. Why? Because the outer world DOESN"T want me to work. Or even to have anything. I don't know why, but so what. I can't be bothered with that anymore.

It's not an antagonizing on the world. It's not saying the rest of the world sucks. It doesn't suck. Not out here. Out here is tight. Some of it sucks, but not aeveything. I just cannot be complacent with some people having and some people not.

I understand some people are going to do better. Gotta eat better. Some people will ride better. Got a nice car, blasting by better. Some people will do that. But it doesn't mean I can't do that. It doesn't mean I can't punch in. It doesn't mean I get discriminated against. It doesn't mean I have to be different, or tell my values no. I can be me, and do just fine.

I find that online. I am resorting to Lucktastic and surveys. But guess what? They pay. I'd rather have 10 little $10 checks than nothing at all. I'd rather cash out $10 dollars than nothing at all. I'd rather cash out $1.30 than nothing at all. Paypal just recieved. They just sent you $10.26. I have a swelling account.

I like to consider myself more than a martyr. That's not me. I'm not Lord Jesus Christ. I'd blaspheme trying to be like him, like that. I don't want to say I ham him. But, I am LIKE Him. He paved the way for me.

I am like him to the degree, I don't agree with the world all the way. I don't agree some people lose so the others can win. Some people have to be gay, or take a hit for the team or whatever. I believe I too can make it, if I just learn enough skills, pace myself, and work hard.

But what is this hard work? Well, for one thing, it's waking up early. 4am. Getting a routine going. It's mastering your body. It's working online. It's cleaning out your antennae. You have to be like the cricket to that effect. If you work hard every single day, you'll one day have $5000 in your Paypal account. Imagine going to Walmart and cashing out the maximum $300. You go to the electronics section and buy CDs. BYou go on line and buy the components you need for your computer tablet. You keep the same old equipment, making the new old money.

That'd be tight. The greatness continues. you go on stage. You talk onstage about your adventures in life. You don't get dismayed by the other haters there. There really aren't any haters, just undisciplined people. Children who don't yet appreciate life.

I appreciate life. I appreciate waking up, having something to do. I am glad for this phone I'm using. This phone is $1000+. I don't see why I can't make a living off this phone.

Wouldn't it be greate, and tight to wake up in the house I bought from working oon this phone? I made the house come true from working on my phone. From my pocket to the keys jingling in the door. I'm holding and sucking my wife's breasts in our bed, I paid for working on the phone. It's a dream. A fantasy. I'd like to make it a reality. I make it a reality. I work on the phone and get paid.

The next step is managing the money. What is the money going to do? The money has to do something. I remember I had to earn $10 so I could go do a show. I needed $5 to pay them, $4 to get there, and some money besides. I needed $12. So I worked online, I did surveys. I made $4.00 on one alone. I kept doing it, and earned the money. I got the money for the show.

So it is with your money. What is the money to do for you? When you have goals for yoour money, I think it comes faster. So I have goals for my money. I have every dollar mapped out. For ecample, the first $80 is for the phone bill. Then, the rest of the money is $25 for each show, so there are 4 per month, that's $180 there. So $25 each shoe for, and $80 to pay the phone bill.

I need the phone to make the money. So I have to prioritize the bill first. The phone bill causes the other bills to get paid. So it's like a pyramid.

Then, there's food. I have to eat. Each time I go to the store, I spend about $10. It's just me right now. It's sad, but at 34 almost 35, it's just me, and that's how it is. No one believes in me, only The Lord. God believes in me.

This is why I feel He called me to do this. I don't think I could make it on my hown without him. Having no where to lodge, to plug my phone in, to sleep, and even to eat food. I can even warm my food up in the kitchen. See, God DOESn't have to Do those things at all. He could just say toast.

Why do the people want that anyway? Why not want your brother to be good, to have a tight life, like you? To suck on my wife's titties too? What's wrong with that? I don't want to know, but that's how it is.

Lyrical boxing, like the song. You stick and move. Don't get boxed out, take your time with the licks. When  you strke, use precision. Don't take no for an answer. Download 100 if you have to. Break them down. 15 minutes each one, cycle through and watch the dollars come. You're providing value. You are helping them by completing tasks. They need it done to get paid, you're doing it for them. Sure, they may try to sell you that they are saving your butt, but YOU are saving their butt. You are doing the things they need done to get paid. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

So the 3 tiers are this:

1 Earning
2 Hybrid
3 - Automation

The earning, 1, is when you get familiar with working online. Wow, what is this?

The second, Hybrid, means you are familiar, getting the hang, and seeing more you can do. You're able to earn momore because you have more experience, but you still want to get to number 3,

which is Automation. You have systems making a living online for you. Imagine 22, 000 posts each getting clicked on. 2000 convert, meaning they sell, the people buy, the people sign up. When you add all that up, it's $14,000. You're done for the week.

Don't forget to imagine, and get exciting feelings from your imagination, and from learning. I remember Bobby. He'd say "Get excited!" Then he'd walk into somebody's house, and try to make a sale. It was about people pimping out kids. There was a man, Patrick. He had the office, the degree, and some money, but we were the ones going out there doing the work. I never forgot when he pulled up in the nice car and we got in.

He was fussing at our lead. Here was this guy with us, trying to make a few dollars, and here's this guy in a fancy car eating off us! He was eating from us, and fussing at us to go make him more! I never forgot that's what I feel like the boss is doing on any job.

But the idea is, don't give up. Don't stop, even if it's hard. It is hard, when you don't know nothing. I am an affiliate now, connced to networks that could earn me money.

Imagine Blue host $65 dollars. Imagine $400, $500, $600, $1000. Imagine earning this, such sent you $4000. You may earn this. I believe you can do it.

I too can earn online.

I can earn all the money I need to earn.One quick notebook look, and then II'll see you all tomorrie.

"Act fast"

"Check me out as I complete the missions, Handle my shit with the highest precision"

Lord.

I can make it too.

What a way o fan the flames online. I saw somebody made $5000 dollars in a month online. When they were starting out. Sounds ridiculous. The next thing is people will start emailing monkeys. To spain. No to sperm.

I think you ought to factor out jealousy. How obvious would it be for you to start another blog, and monetize the blogtraffic? The issue is the little bit of traffic. Maybe if you take this blog seriously, you can take the few pieces of traffic you have.

Ride was with a black eye. I know nothing about this person accept they have a black eye now. I didn't look down on them, but I see they have a job, and I see they have an eye darker than the other one. I walked to the corner to catch the bus.

I took the bus to the neighboring city. Once I got off, I immediately went to cash a check. Once inside, I was greeted with the same familiar inside, and a rather tall man who was in front of me. I was able to pacify the crowd, and calm down the false tensions.

It seems the Mexicans want to start problems, because their numbers warrant it. In other words, for every one of another group, there seems to be like 4 Mexicans. This means they'd run trhe show if we were dummies. We aren't however.

I'm glad we're not stupid enough to let someone come to this land and take it. There was a woman there, not "
Brenda, but had big beautiful tits. Wow. I saw another woman who also had big beautiful tits at Walmart. I mean, the kind of big tits you see in a magazine, a comic book or something like that. A joy, a treat.

Brenda had big tits like that too. She was like the supermodel of her time. She had probably the biggest tits of her decade. They taste good too.

But there's more to life than tits. Not much more, but there it is. I use my anxiety to make notice of mention how I feel. No one is going to take something they didn't make any more. Instead, they, we all are, going to earn our keep.

The people kept playing games with me as a grieved the loss. I didn't have much of a Christmas. They didn't even finish my video. I paid $25 dollars for a video to be filmed, and they didn't film shit. I think they forgot. I don't even want the money back. I'd like my video. I don't simply want a wimpy excuse.

If I could do the Mortal Kombat uppercut on niggaz to solve problems, I'd do that. It's a bit fatiguing, seeing how people are against you. I wish they weren't against me or anyone else. Could they just not be against anyone at all?

I think so. But we'll have to find out in time. I'm looking forward to making my first $5000 a month from Google Adsense. How can I do that? I have the adsense installed on my phone. Will that allow me, let me make $5000? I just want, is what the kid would say. He'd say that, and then steal shit off the counter. I don't like that kid, but I love him. I wish he'd be a good boy and into a good man now.

I think in order for me to earn online, I have to go deep inside my mind and fins the knot of doubt. There's some little imp, or some balled up nerve cluster. Something inside to siphon power, consume me, and give nothing. It's like being down Alameda. I don't have a bike now, but once upon a time I rode from Alondra and Somerset to This Church. I rode on a bike. I went on the freeway onramp and all that. No helmet. I wore dress shoes. I totally did a wierd one.

I used to go and get blood taken from me, plasma. I used to earn about $400 a month doing that. I was a sucker for real. I used to go on the bus, all the way there for $35. I used to go for $70 too.

I remember one time the people waited for me, until like 8pm when they closed. It just seemed everything I did I was a loser. I'd lose. I don't know why.

But I think it's because I always felt on the inside that I was a failure. That I deserved to lose. I don't think it's true, but on the inside, did I think it was true? Not now, but before yes.

Minister Brown looked like Brenda, and even did a Brenda move! I don't know why she did that. Was I supposed to be offended, or was I supposed to be relieved? I don't know. Seeing that Brenda hasn't been around for years, I can say it was probably an insult anyway.

There will be a day when insults are few, and dollars are not. When the money is good, the value is high. How can I make the value high now? This is assuming I know what the value is already. I think if I knew what the value was, then I'd know how high to make it.

Right now, I have $12 dollars. I miss you Brenda. I had a dream that basically said, "If you step away from this, you'll be scott free." It was a blue woman, or a man-dressing woman. She wasn't cute, she was light skinned, and she needed tthe bathroom. In the dream, I asked for permission for her. I got denied. She was unable to use the bathroom there. Perhaps this was some sort of pimp relapse, where I was formally working, people would want to use the bathroom all the time.

Come to think of it, the people used to give me a hard time. All the time. Every single day, it was a challenge to see how hard I'd make it. Would I be robbed? Would people insult me? How hard would they make it for me? Every single day this.

Then the Pastor now, comes with "Take care." Like I was in trouble. Like I did something wrong. You know how lame it is to feel you're ALWAYS doing something wrong?

Lord. 

Starting a living online.

I have no choice. The Mexicans don't want me to have a job.  The blacks don't want me to have a job. All the people don't want me to have a job. It sounds almost convincing, right?

Wrong. I'm going to show you how to make at least $100 a day. You will have to nurse a system, but at least you'll have some money in your paypal account.

Search on google for "payout to paypal."

Take a bit onf time, say 15 minutes, and sift through the options they have there. When you find something exciting, STOP. write it down. When you have about 10 or so, stop altogether.

Now, you have a list of things to do. Try them all, and return to start.I don't let go of Brenda. I love her, there's no turning back. But she told me, so I have to be fair. Be honest with yourself too, The job you need is out of reach. They don't want you to work there. Maybe you can worek there. But you are not a dog. You are not to be treated unfairly or put to the test or strug along. Stop settling for pennies, crumbs. I don't know how you will earn, but you will earn online. There is money out there for you each and every week.

The amin thing is to try every morning. Find these ten, and peck at them. Pick at each one until you are certain it fails for you. When you have success, it is because you found someting that works for oyu.

Paying out to paypal is the main way to get paid online. Any company who will pay out must have the money. If you have the skill, you can earn the money. Simply find what skills are needed and break it down. Learn by doing, and watcing videos.

While you are learning, break it down into 15 min segments. Watch a little, go do a little. Then do what you are already doing, which is surveys.

You so far have made over $200 doing surveys. This is proof you can make it online. It's a joke two hundred, but at least it's something. You don't have to fit in, or be a mexican, or have some affiliation with someone to win. You simply log on and earn.

It takes a while, but $10 at a time is better than nothing. It's sad it's like that, but keep earning. Don't give up. Take the little pennies and add them up. Be frugal when you spend. You can earn $10 ten times each week, with real work.

Also, drink plenty of water. Read your Bible. Don't give up. You know it will be hard. But you have a $1000 phone to work with. You are not starting cheap. Take this technology and put it to good work.

Try to make an extra $5 a day. WQhat canb you do to make $1 now? Is there something you can do to earn $1 papyal right now? Search for that.

Go all the way up to $20. Stay in this realm untli you are comfortable earning online at all.

Imagine you earn $20 an hour or every two hours. So each day, you are earning 80 to $100 a day. There will be adversity.People will sense you are earning and try to stop you. They will annoy you with different things, try to put thoughts, or distract you. They will even go so far as to enter your dreams. They will stop at nothing. But they cannot stop you! Only you can stop yourself. People will only do this because they don't believe in themselves, and they are followers.

You seem to be getting over the distraction of followers. Be sure to write every single day.

I have no more weed, and I hope to keep it that way. Bedcause, I am tired of giving the dopeman my excitement. I'm broke, and worried about when I'm going to get high. How stupid, but when you're broke, you don't see it like that.

The dawning cam on me when I realized I had no momeny in my pocket, just like the last year. I'm broke, just like the last year. Why is that? Why am I broke in 2019? What is broke anyway? How do I know I am that, if I don't even know what it is?

I think broke is simply not earning enough each day. Broke means you earn $5 or less each day.

I noticed how when it got cold, I went to sleep. It's like I'm tring to be 16 all over again. No experiience, all new to the world. But I'm 35. I a m old enough. I have excperienced may things, and kept bad records. This is why you feel your are broke.

If you had kept good records, Then you could see a pattern. You are looking for patterns online. Search for patterns to owhat you already know how to do. If you don't alreafy know something, or are still afraid of the consequences, adveresity, or feedback grom progress, then start there.

Clean up in your mind the object of fear, praise, affection oand progress. In other words, start looking at why you feel you cannot make it online. Any skill you'd need you can learn. You may learn any skill you need. If it is taming mexicans, whatever that means, you can do that. No one can stop your porogrerss online. If you start today, looking to earn $1, $5, $10, and $20 online, you can surely make it one day. Today may be that day.

The only way you can be for sure, is if you start now. Take a meaure of your progress here. Use this blog to measure your success. You don't have to monetize this gibberish. You have to get a good rhythm going for weeks. Then, you will start to SEE and FEEL the difference in your life. You will start to make at least $100 a day online. This is because you have confidence in making $1, $5, $10 and $20 dollars online. ?Add that up. How much is that?

$36 dollars.

That's $36 each day. Add that up. How much in one week?

$36 x 6 = $216,


So you have a keyboard you paid for. A  mouse you paid for. A phone you have. A cord to connect the keyboard. The cord to connect the mouse. You have invested already. You don't need to invest any more in stuffs. You can simply earn now. Don't be surprised at the people trying to stop you. They'd like to do it themselves! Can you teach me, so I don't have to get up in the cold and GO to work? Can I simply START work form here? Yes you can. I can show you.

You have to write surveys. The mexicans will try to stop you. This is their role in American society. to stop all the other groups or people frm earning. Don't be discouraged by this. They don't know why they're doing this sanyway. You simply mush earn regardless.

Find the different surevey sites that work for you. They earn slow, but the money is sure. You will make a small amount and be able to eat. Make sure you log your progress. You will be encouraged by your earning.

But when do you get vbored? When do you get timred of earning so little money? When will you drive a car?

Go online and see the target price for the item you want. Then set a goal, and work toward the goal. you will achieve the goal eventually.

Each day, take 15 minutes or more. Find a nuche, meaning a hyper market for what you are doing. Look for super surveys. Ones that pay more. Look for different survey sites. Go on Quora, and reddit. Find the answers to how to earn a living online. and most importantly, BLOG about it.

All these people earning $1000 a month and more from blogging,. It is possible for you, Julius D. McClendon. It is possible for you, Black man. It is possible for you to earn $4000 a month blogging.

Where will you live? Will you live in Lynwood, with your family? How long will you work each day? Can you earn enough money in one week to last the whole month? What about mining rigs? Why are you scared of work?

Because your mother's influence is in you. She is your enemy. She wants to control your life. She is unhappy. She feels she must stop you from success because it would overshadow her own career. You can't allow your mother to control your life. She is not your enemy. But she will try to control you. You cannoy allow her to control you.

In your own mind, say, "I have control." I am in control of my own life. The earnings I have quadruple soon. The earnings I make quadruple each week suddenly.

I am not cold in the morning.


I am not at war with the mexicans.

I earn each day online.

I am believing each day I can earn $100 a day online.

I am in my natural work zone online.

I am not making a mistake by working online.

I can learn any skill online inj 100 hours.

Now this is a keeper. You can learn any skill online in 100 hours. This means one hundred solid hours, not a joke. 168 hours elapse every week. Take a handful of those hours and devote them to a skill. What skill is this? Is it web desgn coding? Is it Search Engine Optimization for developed pages? Is it learning to drop sho?

Why don't you start a spotify?

Bluehost has affiliiate marks. Conneection marks. You share the link 500 times. See if you get a sale. 1000 times. See if you get a sale. How long does it take to share 100 times? Can you share 100 times 10 times a day? Can you put in the time, record the time and share the results with a notebook? Composition book. Take the composition book and write in each share. You need to see concrete that you are doing the work. Get in the connection business and make new connections to products. Find groups that are talking about weh design or what have you. Share 1000 times, and log the result.

After 10000 shares, where is your sale? Does anyone buy? This is bluehost.

Remember what I told you. The mexicans don't like you.k They want you to be broke, poor, and stupid. Instead, be wealthy, smart, and progressive. Earn to inspire other kids, and adults too, to earn. Accept the truth first, like Brenda. Accept the truth, she had moved on. You are alone on this. But don't stay down. Take the time to pikc yourself back up. I don't know the mysterious reason why anyone would dislike you, but here you are.

Remember that practice makes perfect. You simply have to practice this every single day. The routine. I know you're looking for a high, but there's no better high tan earning at least $100 a day online, from wherever you're at.

Don't feel sorry for yourself. Just earn the best you can daily. The neighbor, whoever has invested in you, they will trey to control,, maneuver, see what they can get. Don't be discouraged. Be encouraged by their efforts. After all, what are they trying to do, but control their own lives better?

ord.

Perversions

I will not betray my father. I will not sleep with my stepmother. I will not kill a dog. I will not kill a family membner.

A cookbook is useful for Christmas. I will call all my family for Christmas. I will love my wife. I will be Daddy. Someday. I will be daddy someday. Say it right. I will be Daddy someday. I will have a girl. I will not suck on a pipe to get high. Will find another outlet for success. I will find the way I feel good. Right. There is no other way.

I start searching online for how to make $1000 a week. That's a lot. That's why every dollar, right now, is going to be accounted for. Every tittle shall be accounted for. That's right. Ther'es not going to be a  stone unturned. We're going to find out to the bottom of this sh*t here. This is going to be yours, forever. You will always have money in your family now as it is. You are making $10 as of late. Yet, you have a long way to go. There's nothing else to this. You simply have to do the work.

There is no other way.

I think if you start now, you'll finish soooner. The start is small. Just $10. But add it up with study. Go your way, and study another's way too. Find the other ways to do the same thing. You could go get a job. And be treated unfairly. Be doscriminated against. Be let go, when they get ready. Not when you want. At the most inconvenient time. See other niggaz, capitalize off your progress. While you get none. By the time ig gets to you, there's none left! You're left out in the cold.

But your mind. In your mind. You are good. A woman said she liked you. Said study English in school. Minor in whatever else, but the degree is in English. If I hadda listened to that lady, where would I be today. Where, Lord.

The likelihood of people doing right by him was second to none. My uncle grew up in another time. I am a product of that time. I was there for some of those years. I chose not to listen. I don't know why. I did not choose to listen.

So now, I am starting. But the first $100 would be on food. Forget that. I am getting all the food I want to get.

The second $100 would be on rent. Give all the $100 because there is a need for it.

The third $100 would be on self. Gimme all the weed - I said I'd quit - give me then all the food, cinnamon roll, chili cheese fries, these are a few of my favorite things. I don't want to wait until the food is out to get more. Get more food before you run out. But it's a matter of getting what you want.

If you go today, you can get what you want, and it won't cost you that much. You go cash a little check, then you go back to walmart and pay the three dollars you need to cash the 10. So you have $30. You can get something to eat, and even an electric item. But it is only $30, and you are going far. Is that wise?

No.

Wait until $100 to get mobile. Earn more money, I know it's a drag.

Merry Christmas Everybodoy

I came to the realization  I'm never going to be married to Brenda again. This morning, but I haven't seen this woman in years. I haven't seen her, and will not ever see her again. This just dawned on me this morning, Christmas 2019.

Why did it take so long? Why does it matter. The fact is I am here now with the knowledge. It was like having a time-release detergent. You ge tthe message after some settling in. I've seetled in with the knowledge. I did enough crying. I have put off a straight, clear path. I can't wait until next year.

Nia Long was fine in that blue dress. I can go on with life now. It's just repulsing to know your vagina is hosting somebody else. Not so much that you allow this, but that another man - well, I guess it's like I did.

I came along. Someone else was there before me. Maybe just bad choice in women.

I need. That's the problem. Why not start with I do. or I have. What is this clamoring, grabbing inside the mind. Why can't I just give until I run out? What about what I get for giving? I'm alone because I've been a vacuum. I've done the same thing expecting different results.

That's a called insanity. I know nothing. I am not going to try and fix things up. I'm not going to go back and edit results. If it's on the table, leave it there. I was told to. I still love her, make no mistake. But she moved on with her life. I need to do the same.

I am going to assume I'm wrong. About something. That's normally the case. Usually, I'm wrong. Ask any woman. But I strive to be righ - . That's about as much as I strive for. I haven't mastered breaking things down yet. I haven't mastered being able to break,

Gardena, Paylor, I remember those days. I remember eating at Fantastic Burger. I remember that. I remember Mr. Paylor taking me with him to do various odd jobs. I remember one night he was upset. He was angry. What happened that night? I forgot. But you see, I did many things. I remember I upset him. I didn't mean to do that, but I did. I didn't realize what life was about then.

I wasted a lot of time. This has been my catchphrase. I remember being a kid in the game. Not knowing it then, but that's how it was. I was just a slouch. I love her. That's all there is to that. People will tell you who you are if you let them. Don't let people tell you who you are anymore.

Merry Christmas to all the young. All the kids, coming up in life, you will win. You win because you listen. No one is going to lose. No one has lost who has liffe. There are no terrible dangers. There are only choices. Experiences are the result of choices. All the places I have been, I learned something from each one. An important lesson is, the tongue is the most powerful part.

You have muscles, but one is striking aboove all the others. Your tongue. You make a neat little impression on the mind when you talk to someone.

I love Brenda regardless, but somebody else is pumping her. Some other man, who she chose. It wasnt because I did something. It was because she chose to leave. To move on. She wanted a new start. That's all. She wanted a new start. A new man, a new home, a new life. Nothing from the old. Nothing from before. Everything gone, from the days before. You are included, in the closet with  the other toys, all the things from before. You got tossed out. And it was your mother who burned her there.

Your mother didn't burn Brenda, no. She burned the bridge so you couldn't get back. Your mother doesn't believe in you. She believes you need her guidance in life. But she needs you. Your guidance. What a filthy mess. You have a clingy mother who is no good for you, you have a church who needs you, you have a mind programmed on this woman who years ago gave you the boot, and you laugh about it.

Good.

I'm glad you get a laugh of peace this Christmas. I hope you have something to laugh about, to celebrate. I wish you'd elebrate this room being cleaned. Its only been months since you did. You know what would happen if you decided to clean your room? Becuase it's not your room at all. It's just a room I'm in. I don't know how to grow up. I don't know how to be social. I never went no where, I never did nothing, which is a lie. You've been living a script of a loser, for a long time. Because you were so much of a winner, everybody had to see you lose, to see if you could.

To see if you had it in you, to lose. To fail. To drop dead, to die. To be killed. Could you be killed? Could your heart be destroyed? Could you be tossed aside, rendered helpless, covered in blood? Could people carry your carcass to the cemetary, bury you in the ground? Could people shoot your funeral, and offer condolences, just like everybody else. This is from your mother's ward now. Let me go on, because this may be my last time.

I never wrote like this before. I never had the nerve to talk like this anywhere, before. Now I'm a try. You helped the slaves. I wanted you to know that. But you have to help yourself. The people around you, don't listen to them. They're nothing but snakes in a pit. I mean this. I watched how they set you up in the back. Behond closed doors, what they said, what I heard. What I know about the people around you. They don't like you, because you represent the good. You ain't no ways bad. Now. No you not., You's good. You's a good little nigga. I good with swelly eyes and a deep figure. You don't know nothing about hurt and triumph. You want to feast.  You ain't a daddy yet.

Look at LaMar. a Jealous sucker. I wish I oughta kick his ass. He know he ain't got no business doing what he did. But there it is. For the good of the people. And what people is he talking about? I bet you his gay daughters too, huh? His little leper feasted sister too, huh? Oh no, I'm letting loose today. This may be my last time.

Now, before I sour your intellect, I'll have you know I love you. But you have to realize something, you haven't grown up. you still got to get old. You're GROWING UP. Don't get it twisted. Don't act like you seen the hill yet. No, not you. You've yet to see it all. Don't take the day like you've seen one. Ok? There's nothing worse than a  kyled horseman. Don't ask me what that meanss.

You give big business dirty. You have unfixed problems. Marcus, I love him. But he's over it. He's got to go on with his life too. He has to listen to his Moma. Your mother is just looking out for you. She's sad, doen't have anybody, and wants you to stay behind and take care of her. She's likening you to
Mitzi. She sees you like some kind of fluke. Oh I'll take care of you. I'll protect you from the big bad world I sheltered you from. But no matter.

Your mother does not run your life.

Your church does not run your life.

Your family does not run your life.

Your friends do not run your life.

Your job does not run your life.

Your finances do not run your life.

Even God does not run your life.

You run your life. You run your every decision. You may, oh Lord, breathe again, or not. You choose. Not them. You are now 34.

You remember as a child. Now remembber as a man. There's far to go. Let's spend some time on this. Because The people want to know. They want to know how far you will go. They want to know how far they can put a pillar in your back.

You've been a long way far. Got a pain on my left side. I sit like I've been on the force. I haven't. Haven't served a day in my life. Never been to jail. Something is wrong. I'm trying to get it right. All you have is the clammoring of the people. All the people hiding behind technology, balling up their feelings. I don't get upset with you? You want to grwow up too. You have kids, they know the deal too. They're good kids, my siblings. They were thrown upon meBut they were kids. You're supposed to feel a certain way about it? How is this? Your Moma didn't birth them, but it doesn't mean you don't love them. Or have empathy for them. You have empathy for all the kids. There are none who are stupid. There are none who are foolish. IF you want a better Christmas, make one. But wait there's more.

Your father, he's a lapse. What a guy. Hey son, I have a family. Be happy for me! I am Dad! I am happy for you! I'm happy for us all. More family. Each family member has a characteristic. I love Brenda, don't get me wrong. I miss her too. But I want her to be happy. She's happy without me, cool. I'll be arought, I'll manage feelings.

I see the tide. That's your woman, I heard. I didn't say yes she is. I didn't appreciate her when I had her. So it serves me right to be without her. That's the true statement there. I need to learn how to take care of myself, takec care of my woman, and take care of my household. I don't know anyone else like me, who would show me how to hatch your career and for free. I'd show you how to get right because, If I die, then you at least know how to carry on. That's where I'm at now. Accepting the truth as it is, and being grateful for the progress.

Where's more? Are you tired yet? You want other people to love ouyou now? Well you got a long way to you. Let's get to the next part - your car.

Oh yes, this is the long one.

I'm not going to be a liar all these years. I know a woman who was counting lies on my tongue, and found none for a while. I can't stand the idea of someone over me, someone stronger than me at all. I am the strongest, there is none higher. Watch me rise to the top of my map, there's none prior than the height you see, no other soul can match me at all, alone I stand tall. To a skyscrper you will say, who is higher, and I willl be the winner. I don't lose, I just become bitter, and scheme on the pracice I need to reconsider. I don't take checks or fact checks, in fact I write facts with the evidence of great power blessed. There is Only Lord Jesus Christ who is possibly nicer, the only thing I haven't done is change a diaper.

 I don't concede defeat or play in games at all. I arrange my mind to focus on grateful breath for all. I don't have time to be thinking about who will get me. I want happiness like the next man, I give happiness instantly. I don't have time to showers of doubt youre going to get from jealous family. I don't take my mother's career seriously, because she doesn't take mine comedically. 

Who is this trying to stifle me? Trying to take me to mean or be someone else? What is this, where I have a place in your design? This is not your show! I am the star featured in the Lord's play. You have your own performance. You don't need to direct mine. You will not direct my life. I' don't care what the book says. I ecare about the words, but you haven't read them carefully. Don't stand in the waty of sinners. You are not going to tell me how life is going to be for me. 

No one will tell me how life will be fore me. You want to play out there with the streets, oh well. You want to tell me I won't get what I want because of someone else? Becsuse of who I know?> What does that have to do with me? Nothing . I am another person. Stop plaiying gsames and you don't have to think like that. 

The latinos, Mom they are like dust! Tey will be here! Don't credit them for limits! You put the limits on your life! Not latinos! That's like saying the wind is responsible for delivering your breath. 

You are not going to run my life. No one is. No one but Julius D. McClendon is going to run my life. Not Klobuchar, not Sirii, no Amsterndam, not Europe, not an election, not a circumstance, no one but me. I am here with you in Solemn spirit Lord, no one is going to ruin my chances for me. You have your lfe, you live it. You ren't going to bogard me, tell me nothing. You just don't have to like it what I'm doing. I don't care about your reasons why any more. I act independently, and I will prevail. 

There are no frustrations if I can change goals. I can have main goals and little goals. I have have whatever I need. I don' Hhave to worry about Dick size, about underwear, about being cold at night, nothing. I need to be thankful, grateful, Let Brenda go like she said, and just be a stellar man. Cut the ties from the people who would have you bound. 

I believe so much Lord in yoiu. Julius, I believe starting Now you: 

May have a house  OF YOUR OWN by March 15th, 2020, 4pm. 

May drive a car of your own by the same time. 

May find your true love, who will love you ever more FOR WHO YOU ARE, not who YOU CAN BECOME. by the same 
time. 

May you forgive your adversaries starting at the molecular level. 

May you serve Lord Jesus Christ eternally. 

End each day with Bliss. 

Forgive yourself. 

Forgive your rival for being petty. 

Get married one day. 

Pray "Lord please Be God in all lives I touch."

Ok?

The tide continues. There are more waves coming. Let your tears too go out with the tide. 

I was truy tripping.

I saw myself asleep in the bare rain, which was a light drizzxle. God Had Spared me.

I think I got off well. I shall give up the weed. For good. I shall do this no later than January 1st, 12:01am, 2020.

Lord.