Helpful thoughts

Mind, I love you.

Mind, love my body.

Mind, I love my body.

Mind, appreciate my penis.

Lord.

The saga of Moma and Dad.

Mom is playing. Happy, bountiful, abundant, wise hearted, joyful, and jubilant. Moma does not want to grow old. For in her age, she sees the wealth of her flesh wither. For her wisdom, however, there is strength and value. There is no stopping or topping a mother's wisdom. Her sensitivity to life is so much stronger than a man, but does not last as long as his can. She is to be listened to, and appreciated. Accepted for all her ways as she ages, for in her tongue is the life of many days.

Dad is staying. Staying strong, motivated, fun, able, healthy, wise. Father is all these things. Daddy delights in old age. For in his wisdom shall he see better days and fortune. Father is glad to be alive, and able to give careful instruction. His age is a treasure. There is no wrong doing in listening to an elder man. He has much spirit in his voice. A young woman is delighted by the tongue of a father. His condition does not beset him. The wealth of flesh is behind him.

Together, there is a balance. Life is not too strict, and not too playful. A delicate meat.
The flesh and the spirit delight in the good fortune of balance. Ultimately, the father wins out, for from his loins is all life of man born. The Father's words are sovereign.

What can cause a good father? The intention to do well for all your days.

Mind, Love The Lord. x 2.

Mind, Love Earth x 2.

These two, mentally repeated, offer the suggestions the mind needs to cause frictionless movements. The balance of man rests in both these places.

If you are able to, love your other.

Mind, love Brenda x 2.

Mind, love mother x 2.

Mind, love father x 2.

These 3 are the strength of man. Giving the force of these 5 mental commands, the mind will desire nothing less than holiness.

How long can you keep this up?

5 years from now (anos)

I have the plan. I'll write one reality piece. Then, I'll write one imaginative piece. Each day, I'll have two, one sky, one ground. That'll teach them. Me and the various personalities I have.

I don't think about this too much, but 5 years is not a long time. It's 365 x 4, whic is 1825. So, if we subtract 25, it's 1800 days from now.

Will I live until then? I hope to. I hope to be alive then. I don't take kindly to my mother trying to control me. I don't like it, and it's gay. I think it's rude, and very wrong over all. I think it's a bad omen for her, since it shows her immaturity, and insecurity.

When you are insecure, you begin to try and size up others. You want to control your environment. This is because you don't feel adequate. You want to challenge the others around you, to see if you are better than them. To see if, once you beat them, if you do, you will then be in control. You are secure in control. You need to control yourself.

The other people around you are just mirrors. I am your son, but not your dummy, not your dog, and not someone to control. Since I have my own mind, I think I am the one in control here.

Who Counsels me is The Lord. I get all my instruction from him. No one on the Earth can hold me to the standard to which The Lord Has Places upon me. He gave me instructions to help men, and to educate them.

I ought to be a teacher. But not for LAUSD. That would have been a great job, but I didn't go that route. At 35, my only option is to work online and start earning a living there.

The people want to give me my job back at Bon Appetit. I imagine. Of course, the reality is I won't be getting that job back. The people made it clear then that they didn't want me there.

I was walking into a building I hadn't been in before. The Latinos who were there were young. They saw me, actually GOT SCARED and wrote something in pen. It was like, "You're not working here." And that's what they wrote down.

I remember also hearing on the phone my name said, "Julius" but in a bad way. I ike I was a problem to be solved. I don't know why or what I did, but after that day, I think the next day or twoo, I was fired.

The last day I had to shit real bad. I was trying to make it to work so I could. I ducked off into a tree, but once I got to the tree, I didn't have to go. It was something in me that stopped it. It was as if others were influencing me. It was as if I was set up to fail. Not to make it to work.

I made it there clean, but I even think I was late. It sucked that day. But I think either that day or the day after, I was fired.

I wasn't told a reason, I had to ask Elizabeth. "Are you thinning out?" "Yes" she said. She agreed with what I said. I didn't believe her, but I figured then wasnt the time to argue.

I went to pick up my check, and they were mad at me. Why? I don't know what I did. I asked them to call me back if they had work. They did.

When I answered the phone, Elizabeth asked me if I was working. "I work online", I said. I went on talking but she said "No." Then she said something else I don't remember now.

So you see, the whle thing was, someone or something convinced them to fire me. I guess they didn't want Black people there. There was a beautiful Black woman there one day. I mean she was gorgeous. But, I'm sure she was taken. Plus, Brenda. But since Brenda said Restraining order, I stopped pursuing her. I pray for her daily, and hope we will be togehter soon. However, we don't want to think the sky is purple.

"You suck" She told me one day. I just wasn't the man she wanted. I just was some wierd snobby kid. I love her. I hadn't gotten with the program. I was just a lloser at that point. I didn't understand the game. I still don't.

So now, The Lord Has Helped me this far. But it seems this is coming to an end also.

The Deacon wrote something in pen and it touched my butt, man. I remember that. It was like, you're not staying here. I remember, it was like, I don't trust this. I remember that. I don't know what I did wrong. I guess I just messed up.

But the whole point is, nothing lasts forever. I just have to learn to be a Deacon. I'm sorry for what I said before. I apologize for calling him a pervert. But my butt is behind my face. Do you need to go back therE?

 Furthermore, I think the money is the key. 51 dollars a day isn't bad for online starting. I'd have enough to do a show a week, and fight off any problems. I'd have enough to pay the phone bill, and give my mother a little money besides. I don't want or need to stay with my mother any more in life.

I can make it on my own. As long as I have The  Lord and my slate, I'll be straight. No hate, can you relate? I think Great, so I'll be great. And That'll be great.

If I can just listen to my elders with this And and But in the beginning of sentences. I think that'll be great. Why do I feel that's important, because honor above everything is important.

I read honor is the most precious quality of man. Being honorable, Julius, is the most fantastic version. Is there any other besides? No. Be the honorable Julius you know you are.

The others ganking, I forgive the gank. Just like I forgive the buttscrape. I saw that guy Justice one time. He called Brenda "Whatsaname." What a fag. She jacked you off, and you can't even say her name. Perhaps that was on purpose. Maybe he was just trying to spare me the remembrance.

I apologixe for calling him a fag. I apologize for all the people who came against me, whatever you did. I've done so much wrong, I could write a book. It'll be called, Wrong, by Julius. Or How to be wrong, by Julius. Can I get a best seller Lord?

Why can't I sell amy albums, Lord? I sold one before. can people buy lots of them, Lord. Like 100 copies at least of each one? Is there something against me to sell that many? I think I'm putting out way too much music not to sell one.

What I have to do is write all the lyrics. Treat it like a little job. Put all the lyrics, write something in every column. Credits, all everything you need.

People want to get past me because of You, Lord. You gave me something, I better get that book read. I only have until November. I'm at 8 dollars and I need 25 to cash out.

I have 180 in coins and I need 300

Spookie is my cat and I love her.

I have maybe 2 or three on the cat,

and I need to call my mother about the postcard from survey junkie, or you could just wait until you see her. I think that's the best option there.

Wait that one out.

So you have Zap, cat and Coin. Put those three together and you have 41 dollars a day. Make that. Get 41 dollars and write the book.

Lord.

Lord please Order my steps

I see love is paramount. My life, my way. Not your way. The security guard way. So she can cheat again. I'm at work. And some Nigga is laid up. Ok pull a Lisa Lopez.

I have a way. Earn online. Shrine in time. I got...a goal. 51 a day from here. I believe in this goal. I gotta get going. Master the process. I can.

Bon Appetit? Pastor Martinez. Gracias pot ejemplo Lord. Now, I'm still Black.

I check me

That's essential. I foubd this out today.

I thought it was rude. But it was instruction. It was butt touch, and i dont play that. But i also ought nit play non washed ass. Theres a three day limit on that now.

Since I realized this a several minutes later, I have to apologize to Minister Brown. Brenda you cannot steal you imps. But i thabk you for your advice.

That's how it is. I realise later. How much later depends on discipline. If I am prepared, the counsel will settle softly, and soon. With no discipline, nothing prepared or no working on, then a year may lapse until I realize. Look to me abd Brenda for that one.

instead of lookig for a job, I went to the park. I failes at that ine ub a million chance. I'll never get another one like hwe again. Each day, I kick myaelf newly in rhw ass for that one. Wow, what a failure. But it shant stay so. I win I learn. But I will be lonely forever.

Even another woman cannot replacr the happiness. I coldly deal wirh this daily. I have to get her back. But how Lord? With 51 dollars?

Are you ok looking at your zap accou t and seeing 4.51? As if you've clearwd aome progress? Oh, Ive done a lot. And 4 dollars later. Clear the shit man.  You can do it. I believe in you. The Lord Wouldn't allow such progress withoit reason. Take this as a lesson in self appreciation. Take your lady. She is waiting for you, I hope.

But restraining order is real. It means vack off. So do that. And pray from here. Meditate daily. I don't see why not.

Be sure to clear that book by November. No one can move you. Let the lecherous do their thing. They wabt to burn ler them burn. You make aure you promote peace instead.

Lord.

Getting rid of me.

This is a recurring theme in my life. Last night the Deacon wrote in pen and touched my butt. I mean, he didn't touch my butt with his hand, but the pen writing touched my butt. I felt like he was trying to capture me.

What is it with all these fake people man? Are there any real niggaz left? I wonder.

I can't say I'm the realest ever. The Lord Is. But I'm close to something real. I'm not fake, I'll tell you that.

PEople want to fornicate, to let pimping, to do all manner of harm to good here. Because they've been able to do it. I suppose I'll have to move on from here soon.

My mother set me up slick. She kept doing that butt shit too. It's like they need me to be gay. I'm not gay. I'm working online. There's a difference.

I'm not putting up with anyone's shit. I don't care what the reason is, what the payout is. Shit is shit. It's wrong. I don't have or want to make time for someone else's shit.

I'm funny enough now. I went through that faze of believing I wasn't funny enough. I went through that. I went through believing stupid shit.

First of all, this Church is in Compton. You have no business in Lynwood. Get your eye off my city. Or you won't have one.

I don't care about no f*king game. f*k that shit. You little faggot ass lames. Go eat a hamburger somewhere. Stop f*king with the real niggaz land.

You keep playing this game, and see don't the Lord Put a whopping to your backside. Don't crash your car. Don't choke out. Don't get sick. You'll get all thrree f*king with me.

Having said that, I think they want me out of here. Never mind I help. The game is bigger. We'll see what happens.

In the mean time, I'm going to make this money so I can be a comedian. Bump what the world wants. The world wants men to wear dresses. I don't wear dresses. I'm not going to start.

I remember Ron. I also remember going all the way somewhere in LA and Bombing comedy at a church. The people there were like, if it's not funny, we're going to do bad things to youf family. I remember thinking, well there's no sense in me doing good. They want to do me wrong anyway. Some people.

Gentiles. I have the Jew hearing. Let's say I am a Jew. That's nice. My name is Julius. It couldn't be simpler. I don't know why you feel the way, Mr. Luntz. I don't know why this took me so long to figure out. The Mexicans alway knew.

I don't mind, but where Lord will I go? The people don't want me alive. Will I die and come to You?

I'm lonely, and weary of fighting with mongrels. But I will fight. I will stand up for what is right. Even if it kills me. It ought to not.

I remember going to a burger king in LA to pick up my check. And you want to tell me working online is worse than that? Working online is worse that catcvhing the bus to go pick up a check?

No.

Working online is tight.

Tightdad.com will be the number one DAd improvement site in the world. And I'll sell it to a company for so many millions. Close to a billion. I'll be set for life, no more working for wages. I go from watching bugs in the sink to sinking my teeth in my wife over a well heated room cozily in Lynwood. I'll buy a house there, and invest the rest of the money I don't give to my family.

The people are like from another planet, man. It's like, every 5 minutes, there has to be some shit started up. It's like they need it. I think they do.

Since they don't have citizenship, the only way to anchor down is to cause trouble. This is why you have crime in poor areas. The people are poor in skills, or knowledge of the country. The area or land itself is not poor. The minds upon it have poor understanding.

However, all this can be changed for the better. The people will continue to pester you. The game is bigger. They want to prove that. So let them try.

I on the other hand will get this working online. The goal is $51 dollars a day.

I start with Zap. Move to cat, then to Loop, then finally Survey Junkie. 5 days a week. This week start it out. Today if you hit, then Monday you'll clear and be able to go and do your comedy and tape it.

Make sure the Russian records it. Don't let them bilk you into thinking oh, there's nothing we can do. Make sure you get the film out. Like these survey guys, they want to gyp everybody. We figure you'll do something nice with the footage, so we want to stop you. We want to make it hard for you to win. So we'll make it really hard for you to get your footage.

Stop being a faggot.

Now let me clear something up before I go. Gay is wrong. But it's not to be condemned. I curse. I fart. I poot. I burmp. Please excuse me. But faggots, they are abominable. Faggots are people who like to start shit because their booty is hurting. Let me cause pain, inflict something. Because of me. Forget everyone else being at peace. no, it's about me all the time only. Only my ass. Faggot.

Don't be like that. Be better than the afflction. Get with The Lord and fight it.

Don't worry about these tattle tell Deacons. He was a cool dude until he screwed the wrong women. He needs to get married to someone good and stop bullshitting. It is better to marry than to burn.

I think following this gay ass game is going to get you killed. A disease or something. These Browns are trying to take the church from under you and The Lord Sent some help. Of course, like a pimp would, you use the help and demand they stay under your radar, you know, because you're a pimp. You're big time, they're small. They need to stay out the way. Never mind they helped you in the end.

All this ego is no go. Upstairs, they don't care about ego. I'm telling you this out of your own palace. Do not challenge me. You thought the thought that thought wrong. You thought to yourself, like everyone else did, oh, you are smal,, you are nothing to me. I helped you, you just play along or get on.

I guess I'll be getting on then.

Like I told my dad, I'm not playing. I can't play, Dad. Not with my money. Not with my life. We hung from trees. We were whipped and beaten. We suffered s much. Now, you want me to give it to the White man and the Latino? For what? A job. F*k a job. I'll make a job.

These Digitalos, looking to make it hard for Black people. F*k them. Let them sit on a rock. My mother in the car made a phone payment, while also on the phone with the service. The service person was going all around the bush to do their job. How worthless. What a scum. He's getting a check, and trying to check people. I hope he sleeps well at night knowing he's against The Lord's finest. Be a villain to me if you want to. See if you live long enough to see the end.

Who ever has set me up, join the club. Join the faggot followers club. Be among the most people who choose to spit in the face of people trying to do right. Of people who cast stones as if they have never done wrong. Of people who have nothing better to do than to steal. They come up off theft and laugh at you for trying to be real.

QMee is chump. They want to regulate pennies? How crummy. I hope they get a cot in a dungeon for a week. If they keep it up. If not, why suffer so hard.

It's bad enough I'm making pennies. You want to regulate those too? You scumbags.

Anyway, let me not rant too hard, but it feels good to be able to do that. Where I will be ranting I don't know. After all, you have Browntown here, and Deacon pervert, also Mexican military, and then me. I'm Jade Villaine on the raps, but in life right now, I'm poor Ju.

Lord.

I was wrong about Moma. And Niggaz.

I'm pretty sure you've been wrong, walking down the boulevard as a fourth grader in 1994.

I remember kissing Michael on the head as a child. The Lord Has Been With Me since birth.

I used to play with bricks alone while the other kids were on the other side of the room. I still remember the green brick. I teachers used to pad my ducktale in the back of my head.

And I cannot give this up. Not my hair all the way, and not my life. I have earned this. And I think I'm going to earn 1228 every month. Or more.

I have 3 of the 4 I need to do this. I have one which pays 1, another 1.30, another $25, and the last one I need $10. Put them all together and its $51.

I said some time ago last year that I would make $50 a day here. The time is now. It's almost here for real. I just need one of each every single day. I will take sunday off. The Sabbath, Saturday, is the day I will slow down and relax. It's like fun and work also.

I had the bommest job, but I got pushed out by the Mexicans. Or might I say, Latinos.

I was wrong about my mother. What else am I wrong about. I'm sorry for tripping on you Moma. I thought you were trying to get back at me, cutting off my account and having me in the dark. But I realized you were not. You were just having some other issues. I even got food from you.

I paid my mother $40 today. It's small, but it feels good. I appreciate being able to pay her something.

PEople are acting like I'm gay or something. I think it's the album I put up. I took it down. Was it the track "Hard cocks"? Probably so. I think a name like that will raise a few questions. I have slivers of paper, they're like gold. If I use them sparingly, I ought to have enough for a week. I have a few left, so I'll use them up.

I think the paper was a throw away from another time. From a time before now. I think the African-Americans I know are really showing their help now. The love they have is astonishing. They have certainly earned my business.

I have a good insurance. I'm telling you, Abraham ought to go into underground insurance. All the big niggaz of their areas go into serving your people. You will not be disappointed.

Stop racing other groups who know little about you. Don't blame them for not knowing or caring about you. Start helping your own. You have time now while you yet live.

Don't be surprized that people come out the woodwork to stop you. They do that. I found this out. But love them. Don't make a stink about it. Just be helpful. Honor over everything. Honor above everything. That's the Lynwood way.

I love my city. I want to suck the big tits of my wife and get married, in reverse order. I do it right. Get married, have kids. This is the classic. I need to have this. I am growing weary. Where is my wife? Who is she? Is Brenda my wife? Or has her word made sure?

I think Flemisha is nice, with Joshua now. I think those two ought to marry. He needs to keep his hands off her. She's so good, so tender and juicy, but she's not to be meddled with. She's really delicate, a delicacy. I'm talking like this and will stop.

Brenda, I wish I could make up to her all the bad things I done did. Every bad word, witchcraft, you're not strong enough, I thought you were stronger, you're not a Christian, all those hits da. I wish I could just take it back, take her to the beach, put a beach towel down and make love in the sand. We wouldn't do that sh, but we'd lay there and make out. Then hop in the car and go home for real.

I wish I could make it all up to her. Make up. That's all we do. No more break up.

Lord.