Death, and it's ceaseless marching

We are all going to die. This I know and I'm sure I signed up for it at the gate. Sadly though, when we die tragically, or with pitiful atrophy, one must understand the piercing of the heart is not merely from grief, but possibly from guilt.

I'm seasoned with guilt and remorse over the death of my surrogate stepfather, Willie Webster, a man who fell early in life but came out of it, rose up, met my mother, and took me in as his son.

As a father figure, he was never a quietly good fit, we had our differences. I was a quiet, frightened child then, so timid but knowing. We didn't argue or anything, but there was a lot of tense air for a while and to this day I can still feel it when I know things aren't right. Despite this, though, he did his best to provide for us, to work and trod home, to a house endearing to his fatigue, his inner restlessness, his desire for internal solace.

He was a good man - although bereft with his own guilt and confusion - but that damn sure wasn't the end of him, and nowhere close to the majority of him. I love him and will miss him. May his soul find peace, light, and understanding.

Once I found out he died, I didn't cry. He's not suffering anymore. No tears were shed. But I felt it. I felt it deep in me. I'm not sad, not grasping for anything, but I feel it. There is no explanation of anything right now.

What is certain, however, is that you will never be forgotten. Never. I will send prayers to you daily, and prayers upon your family. I love you and appreciate all you've done for me in this life. If you're watching me, watch a powerful man grow, ever quickly, ever reaching further. The limits of understanding are within my grasp. This life is also for you too Willie. Thank you.

For anyone who lost a loved one today or any day since or before, like the Blue Oyster Cult said, "Don't fear the Reaper". We will all someday meet and fear will mean nothing then, just as it means little now. Uplift their names and do right by them. Do their spirits proud.

Rest in Peace Willie Webster,

-Julius McClendon