I am certainly grateful.

"anytime."

Is what I heard. And what's with Kevin Hart? I love him, but playing is playing. You are ok now, be sovereign. Don't take your brother's blessing and expect to prosper cleanly.

I say that not knowing, but if this is why, then accept it. I don't condone anyone getting hurt. But I also don't condone stealing.

I used to think it was wrong to have anyone else's voice in my mind. Reading, as I type, anything. Reading the Bible. I thought It was wrong to do tlike that.

I was wrong.

It's your mind. You use it how you need to. No one else will know how. Sure, they can help you. No doubt, no question. But ultimately, you have to do it. You can't be the one to not do it. Let Lord Jesus Christ know you are the one to do it. To get it done.

Whatever it is.

Then, you can be accountable. Don't steal from me so you can have something.

Reverend Brown and his wife came. They walk in, one after another. "You must be used to dealing with smokers" I say. I said this because, the man said he thought I had moved out!

I hadn't gone anywhere to STAY. That's a possibility. But deep down, I don't think I'm supposed to leave the church. I'm suppoed to stay at the church. Gracias para Gente.

How The Lord has helped me is for the books. No other human had the fortune I have. But I have the responsibility also to hold it down. For all the righteous kids. What about them? You don't have to do wrong or follow bad. You can follow good and be good.

All the kids. All the kids doing anything. I think the kids need guidance. A balance. If you will. They need to know that someone is like them.

I am that someone. But I'm not the only one. I'm just here.

I don't want to be dissident to my elders. If they tick me off, at least I can say they were before me. No sense in getting mad. Minister Brown didn't say A WORD to me. And before, she made a big deal out of me not hearing her call me. From the other side of the Church.

These people aren't for the Church. They are for themselves. They want to positiion a Brown here. That's all. They're not interested in your soul. If you ask me.

That's up to the Lord to decide. but all these games and tricks. Trying to stop my money and all this. I can't believe what I had to go through with these two. But it's over. Those niggaz are finished.

All they will do is Serve The Lord. No glutting on the Pastor. Or the people. No feasting at the expense. Every single day. More work. More toil. For the Lord. When we all leave here, then you will see. Then you will get your reward. But I love them.

They are good people.

What happened to them, I don't know. This is why most people act up. Because they don't deal with what happened.

I was with Brenda one day. I remember we dropped her off. She was walking by herself. That was a low point in my life.

I felt like such a failure. I couldn't talk to her right. I didn't have the money to save her. Until now.

Now, I have enough pay the phone bill.
Praise The Lord. I think all people ought to have the job that suits them.

Here, they were going to ask me to do it all for free once again. This time, even expecting me to be there. For Saturday, be here and support our event. You'll be paid nothing. Come and support us.

I've done it more times than I can count. I took a rest. I went and made some money, not sit for free.

But make no mistake, sitting at a Church is better. I remember when Reverend Brown used to call me here. To help around the church, to be around. When I didn't have a job, I would come to the church for Wednesday Prayer meeting. I slowly came in.

Now, I'm here all the time. Now they want me out. "I'm through with him", the Reverend says. What Reverend says ome sh-- like that? A hustler, yea, they would. Hustlers get through all the time. I've never been one. But I can spot, sniff, and tell them very clear. People who use others for their own gain have been abused themselves. All the really know is abuse. How to control by abuse. You know where all that came from?

Slavery.

That's where these folks are coming from. They are tired slaves. They're getting their rest now. But the spirit of how bad they were beaten, treated and scolded, that will never leave. It was trutly a horror.

And then you have these other people in life. "Oh let's get past it." It's a thing to them. A phase. Oh, slavery is a phase. Like your Mom is a phase. She'll die out, right? Let's get past your Mom.

Shut that sh-- up. Slavery defined the life you live now. Who was going to build all this up? You? You don't even want to work without getting paid good. You tell the story of how you struggle. Get the people to feel sorry for you. And so now. But what about the trauma of the ages? What about those were slow to recover? They can't say anything. Like Patti can't run fast.

I'm sure she could if she had to, but she can't run. I'm just grateful I could eat some rice. But it's Wednesday. My stomach says, "Rice is available". So rice it is.

I love Brenda always. I wish I miss my baby. I wish I was here with her. In my arms. I wish I could just hold her. Talk to her. Kiss her one time on the cheek. On the forehead. Where I kissed her before. Telling me others. I don't want to hear no sh-- about others. I'm the man. I'm the one. There's no one else. There will never be no one else like me. But you must be happy, I contest.

Always be happy, Brenda. I know you didn't see all back then. The Lord Did. He told us both on that freeway. What was going to happen. And I live, not die. I won't be shut in a closet. You won't steal and get rid of me. No one will take mine from me. Ever in life. At all. No time in eternity.

What belongs to me is mine. Brenda is mine. If all I get is a thought, I'll take it. I'll take those thoughts I get, I appreciate, cherish and enjoy. I wish her breasts were near. So I could suck them and be glad. Be happy about life. NNothing a man enjoys more than eating. Sucking titties, eating food, enjoying sweets.

That's my goal. This time next year, in Lynwood. Sucking my wife's titties in the living room. Eating a feast, sweets, and making love. Not jacking off. Busting nuts IN my wife.

That's what I imagine.

Lord.