5 years from now (anos)

I have the plan. I'll write one reality piece. Then, I'll write one imaginative piece. Each day, I'll have two, one sky, one ground. That'll teach them. Me and the various personalities I have.

I don't think about this too much, but 5 years is not a long time. It's 365 x 4, whic is 1825. So, if we subtract 25, it's 1800 days from now.

Will I live until then? I hope to. I hope to be alive then. I don't take kindly to my mother trying to control me. I don't like it, and it's gay. I think it's rude, and very wrong over all. I think it's a bad omen for her, since it shows her immaturity, and insecurity.

When you are insecure, you begin to try and size up others. You want to control your environment. This is because you don't feel adequate. You want to challenge the others around you, to see if you are better than them. To see if, once you beat them, if you do, you will then be in control. You are secure in control. You need to control yourself.

The other people around you are just mirrors. I am your son, but not your dummy, not your dog, and not someone to control. Since I have my own mind, I think I am the one in control here.

Who Counsels me is The Lord. I get all my instruction from him. No one on the Earth can hold me to the standard to which The Lord Has Places upon me. He gave me instructions to help men, and to educate them.

I ought to be a teacher. But not for LAUSD. That would have been a great job, but I didn't go that route. At 35, my only option is to work online and start earning a living there.

The people want to give me my job back at Bon Appetit. I imagine. Of course, the reality is I won't be getting that job back. The people made it clear then that they didn't want me there.

I was walking into a building I hadn't been in before. The Latinos who were there were young. They saw me, actually GOT SCARED and wrote something in pen. It was like, "You're not working here." And that's what they wrote down.

I remember also hearing on the phone my name said, "Julius" but in a bad way. I ike I was a problem to be solved. I don't know why or what I did, but after that day, I think the next day or twoo, I was fired.

The last day I had to shit real bad. I was trying to make it to work so I could. I ducked off into a tree, but once I got to the tree, I didn't have to go. It was something in me that stopped it. It was as if others were influencing me. It was as if I was set up to fail. Not to make it to work.

I made it there clean, but I even think I was late. It sucked that day. But I think either that day or the day after, I was fired.

I wasn't told a reason, I had to ask Elizabeth. "Are you thinning out?" "Yes" she said. She agreed with what I said. I didn't believe her, but I figured then wasnt the time to argue.

I went to pick up my check, and they were mad at me. Why? I don't know what I did. I asked them to call me back if they had work. They did.

When I answered the phone, Elizabeth asked me if I was working. "I work online", I said. I went on talking but she said "No." Then she said something else I don't remember now.

So you see, the whle thing was, someone or something convinced them to fire me. I guess they didn't want Black people there. There was a beautiful Black woman there one day. I mean she was gorgeous. But, I'm sure she was taken. Plus, Brenda. But since Brenda said Restraining order, I stopped pursuing her. I pray for her daily, and hope we will be togehter soon. However, we don't want to think the sky is purple.

"You suck" She told me one day. I just wasn't the man she wanted. I just was some wierd snobby kid. I love her. I hadn't gotten with the program. I was just a lloser at that point. I didn't understand the game. I still don't.

So now, The Lord Has Helped me this far. But it seems this is coming to an end also.

The Deacon wrote something in pen and it touched my butt, man. I remember that. It was like, you're not staying here. I remember, it was like, I don't trust this. I remember that. I don't know what I did wrong. I guess I just messed up.

But the whole point is, nothing lasts forever. I just have to learn to be a Deacon. I'm sorry for what I said before. I apologize for calling him a pervert. But my butt is behind my face. Do you need to go back therE?

 Furthermore, I think the money is the key. 51 dollars a day isn't bad for online starting. I'd have enough to do a show a week, and fight off any problems. I'd have enough to pay the phone bill, and give my mother a little money besides. I don't want or need to stay with my mother any more in life.

I can make it on my own. As long as I have The  Lord and my slate, I'll be straight. No hate, can you relate? I think Great, so I'll be great. And That'll be great.

If I can just listen to my elders with this And and But in the beginning of sentences. I think that'll be great. Why do I feel that's important, because honor above everything is important.

I read honor is the most precious quality of man. Being honorable, Julius, is the most fantastic version. Is there any other besides? No. Be the honorable Julius you know you are.

The others ganking, I forgive the gank. Just like I forgive the buttscrape. I saw that guy Justice one time. He called Brenda "Whatsaname." What a fag. She jacked you off, and you can't even say her name. Perhaps that was on purpose. Maybe he was just trying to spare me the remembrance.

I apologixe for calling him a fag. I apologize for all the people who came against me, whatever you did. I've done so much wrong, I could write a book. It'll be called, Wrong, by Julius. Or How to be wrong, by Julius. Can I get a best seller Lord?

Why can't I sell amy albums, Lord? I sold one before. can people buy lots of them, Lord. Like 100 copies at least of each one? Is there something against me to sell that many? I think I'm putting out way too much music not to sell one.

What I have to do is write all the lyrics. Treat it like a little job. Put all the lyrics, write something in every column. Credits, all everything you need.

People want to get past me because of You, Lord. You gave me something, I better get that book read. I only have until November. I'm at 8 dollars and I need 25 to cash out.

I have 180 in coins and I need 300

Spookie is my cat and I love her.

I have maybe 2 or three on the cat,

and I need to call my mother about the postcard from survey junkie, or you could just wait until you see her. I think that's the best option there.

Wait that one out.

So you have Zap, cat and Coin. Put those three together and you have 41 dollars a day. Make that. Get 41 dollars and write the book.

Lord.