I now realize

I am a sinner. I have needs. I want Brenda. I need money. I need about $5000 a month to live right. I can afford a house, a car, all the trimmings. I can afford good sex. Imagine, making love on $1000 furniture I bought. My wife will be thrilled. Why can't it be Brenda, Lord? But she said no, let me learn to accept this.

In other news, We had church today. People think Sunday is about man. Sunday isn't about man. There are no routines. Nothing is business as usual. You get older and expect things to change, get better. They do. You have to make them that way.

People are beginning to realize, Temple, The Lord Loves me. The Lord Loves Julius. I am grateful for this. But when I have been publically grateful, the answers I got, the response I got was to be destroyed. But I found out the reason why.

The people only mimic the mirror you produce. No one is above the Law. You give out signals of discord, disdain, I can't do, shi-- like that. You give out bad, the people pick it up. Some turn it into good. How amazing this over all. But then, some people take the bad and magnify it. Then, there is more bad, because you are thinking bad. If you're in a room full of people thinking good, then you will think good too. If there are 10 millionaires around you, you will become the eleventh.

But don't work to get rich. That's not the way. This is because, the money can't save you. The money can't do anything for you. The money can buy the things you need. But the money alone, the actual bills, the linen and paper fibers, can do nothing to save you. Only The Lord Can save you.

I was a deacon once. I had the moment, Monet is pretty still, I was the deacon. In my mind, I had that position. But the Deacon, he has money, you know. He has things you need to get. He has a job, credit. A car. These are things the deacon has. Deacon Tate has all these things. I don't have any of those things. I have a job, working only for a few pennies that add up. Yet, I am able to continue earning. So here is what happened.

Imagine an orb in your mind. It is blue, it has silver ridges engraved. In the center of the orb is a black dot. It's a small dot. It doesn't crystals. It has an adornment of purple hangers. It is small enough to hang furniture on. It is a big enough to notice. I think the main thing here is that Cellular is tight for life. And that this orb needn't be there.

It's not the black that's bad. Its the fact there's this orb, this form, these thoughts, this thinking, these patterns, that don't. They don't belong. They take up space. They make me feel bad. It doesn't need to be there. But it's there because I put it there. It's there because before in life, I didn't know to keep my guard up. My guard was down. I thought I was an innocent kid, with no worries, no problems. I thought I had the world as my friend. Boy, was I wrong.

Still in all, I do thank The Lord for what I have. There isn't a soul I cannot touch. The Lord has Blessed me so. But I have far to go. The fear I once had from men has been replaced.

"Hustle these blacks" is what I heard in Church today. I heard this loud and clear. Of course, no one said this. The Rev. Carillo said this. He said to do this, to the fellow Mexican-Americans. He told them, "just hustle these blacks, and you'll see it's not hard to get past them, they do things for you like pay you and help you out." Like we were squirells. Like we were cattle, or horses to feed. Like we were beneath him.

This was the message. They are beneath us, in my mind.

So, also, I was strong armed this morning after Church service. I care about the Pastor, and they told me the baathroom was dirty. The lady who came, Elizabeth, she helped out a lot. She did something good. I don't know what it is. I don't need to know. Instead, I thank her now.

It was told to me she messed up the bathroom. She didn't mess up the bathroom. She didn't do anything wrong. She was just resting here. I thank her for that. I was saying all this time to come rest at the Church while I am here. Come rest while I am having the yard activity. But I didn't take into account who might steal.

One man came, brother Tap, and he didn't steal or cause problems. Instead, he took problems away from the Church. He was a hero. But like a true hero, he wasn't around to get the credit.

You can always tell whose the hero. They are never around. They are busy being the hero. The scavengers, the ravens, the vultures, the mocking birds, the slitherers, they come and post up. "I'm the hero. I was here. Look what I did for you." But they did nothing but suck off the hero in his absense. Then they get bold. They want to tell you now, they are the reason, the hero's source. Because they were in the world first, there was a way for the Hero to be born. And You know, they're right. If it wasn't for them, there wouldn't be a hero. Because they wouldn't be around messing things up.

Now that's not right, but I feel everyone who does something good ought to be acknowledged. If you do something good, you need to hear about it. People need to shout you out. Give a prop. People need to do something to let you know. To inform you that you are important.

People act bad when they feel they are not important. If you tell a girl, with, Isaac, big tits. Tell her she's not important. Tell her those big beautiful tits you'd love to suck on, they're not important. Tell her this. And you will find that you are wrong, but she will be effected. She will feel you are right. And she will begin, Edna, to act out. She will begin to act the part of the worthless flesh. She will then start to decline. For a while, people will use her body. People will suck her all up. Eat her all up. And then they will depart when she is no use to them.

There was a woman on the train. She would smell and stink. She was just a hot mess. She was black, had large draping breasts. But she was dirty, unkepmpt. She looked like she had lost her mind. Like God had turned His Back. Of course, The Lord had done no such a thing. But it felt that way. It felt that way to her. She was alone, but she had sense. She would gesture to me that she was ok. I knew it was her soul telling me. Letting me know, she was just hurting. She was sad, is why she didn't care. She was out there sad.

Perhaps The Lord has more to say today then. I have a keen eye. The lady paid me 40 dollars. She wants me to come out there. I don't have money to come out anywhere. I have a few dollars now. I asked for $5 dollars back, but they didn't want to give me the $5 back. Why not? Then, they had an attitude. What in the world is your problem? I don't play about my money. I'm not the one for those games. You play with Nintendo. Not my money.

I'ma get my $5 back. I need my little change to move about the city. I have to do that, not you. You could say you've done so much for me. You could say you're doing a lot for me. You'd be right. Goofy. But not so here. I need my money. The people want to strong arm me. Because I am different. And this is the reason I fight so hard. Because different people live upon the earth.

Stop using the military to advance hate. Nonsense, predjudice and wrong. All of that, if you die today, will burn up with you. You don't want to burn like that. People try to think around God. Like He's an Obstacle. Then you wonder why things happen to you. You wonder why life is so hard. You wonder why, but the creator of life, the giver of Fortune, you don't appreciate. You assume you were born here out of chance. God selected you. He had in his mind the innocent child to be born here, and here you are. Revisit that innocence sometime. You may feel it's all gone. "I've sucked 100 dicks. Where is my innocence?" It's somewhere inside you still. It never went away. It is the reason you still breathe today. Because The Lord Knows, God knows you are innocent at the end.

But this does not mean you can just find a way to tuck it in when you get time. The Pastor even said, people in the stree you try to impress, I hear you, and they aren't even here. They're nowhere to be found. They don't even care enough about you to worship The Lord on Sunday.

We find that the streets are one part of life. We don't want to require the Church to bow to the streets. The Church Bows to The Lord. God, who created church, did so to show that each man must have a reason. Each man must have a reason to live. And so come and, crackers, worship me. Come cWorship Me, for I created you. But like a father, he does not command you. He wants to see your heart. Do you have The Heart to Worship me? Do you wish To see Heaven?

I do.

Now, I learned there is a knot in my brain. A thinking knot. It's a cluster of nerves that have been diligently serving me. All these years, they thought I wanted to be broke. They thought I wanted to sit down, not have nothing, be lost. Clamor for pennies. You're not worth much more. And The Lord for the past 34 years, has never given up trying to tell me I'm worth something. And that I'm somebody. It's sad the way people crab, but they do. May The Lord Bless them. You don't need to be like that.

But whatever the case, it's always something stupid. It's never smart. It's never like, "We're looking out for you."

I was thinking I can't win, so the people were like "No, you can't." You can't win. You aren't a winner, to us. You're a loser. Even you think so.

And that's how it happened. You let the others convince you of your own thoughts. But you thought it was them. You see. You rejected the thoughts consciously you are having unconsciously. In other words, you played yourself.

You don't need to do that any more. Don't play your self short. You are a worthy human being. Don't let the people convince you of anything different. Don't be a lazy ass either. Keep up the good work, and watch don't you see the Lord do his part.

Don't let the people's acting up get you to admit a lie. Don't believe when the foolish tell you, like the woman in the bible, something that's wrong. There was a woman whose husband was sick. Instead of telling him good, she said, "Curse your God and die." And die, she told her husband. Some wife.

And that's how it is. Step aside. Get out the way, because here we come. But you're on your way to h---.  I will step out the way. But you ought to as well.

Let's not get carried away. IF you love your own life, find the love everywhere else. Quit trying to generalize the rest of the world. All the people don't know you. You don't have to be a star to everybody.

Besides, there are more important things going on than your ego. You don't need to feel you are without a good reason to live.

Whats a trip, roaches have the nerve to gight. They are creatures born of filth, but they fight. They run. Where are you running? Why are you running? What have you done that is important.

But they help. The insects help. They tell the truth.

So if a little creature can tell the truth, so should you. Don't be a fool. Lie no more. To yourself, to your loved ones, to your family members. To Jews. To Christians. To anyone. Don't lie. Clowning is ok. But lies are not.

I have to Thank The Lord for Brenda.

Lord Jesus Christ, my goal is"

"I make a net worth of $9 million dollars by 35."

May those of anyone who even thinks against me or mine, in any form, be utterly destroyed forever, unless they confess The Lord Jesus Christ.

Amen.