Worthless

I was upset ina dream. I said "women are worthless." I meant it.

Now, I'm not in the dream. I'll leave it in the dream.

Brenda was by my side as we crossed a street. I was able to put my arm around her. People in the street seemed to watch and egg us on.

The building was orange, not red. We crossed the street to some kind of alleyway. We begain to go inside some building. She had on blue ish clothing, and I don't know what I had on. But she loved. I don't remember if we kissed at all. I don't think we did. I would have rememembered. But all I know is we were together. At least then.

Some parade was later. Some walk and a japanese kid played bass guitar at a tight moment. We were walking in the street and a crossroad appeared. The basss guitar came out tight at the right moment. I was impressed and said "That was tight." Brenda was nowhere near. I was oblivious.

I got to some red road and we took that road. I was with other people I didn't even know, but I figured they were my kids. We went through the red part, all the way until Brenda reappeared by my side.

She had on multicolored clothes, but it was something off about her. Something red happened, and she wasn't the same. She wasn't even into me any more. She wasn't by my side. She appeared again to my right.

She didn't appear to talk to me. Instead, she talked to people around me and when I gestured I was in the know, she looked at me slightly. She was in the game.

So what could I do? I lost a love. I scowled "Women are worthless" and the crowd parted for me. It was after a few seconds the people seemed to know something I didn't need to know. I became angry and walked off.

There was a woman who fell in some grass with two kids in her arms. She layed there with her eyes closed, seeming to hope it would all go away. She had on a blue dodger jersey. It's like she was saying "No it's just a dream, no you don't mean that."

I was angry in the dream. I was withoutm my woman, and I guess I was the fool too. I didn't even know what had gone on.

But luckily, I woke up. Still, I don't have her by my side, but I don't feel women are truly worthless. Obviously not if they helped me sleep with a roof. I did have a place to stay, because of a woman. So women aren't worthless.

But I felt that way. And the crowd parted. The german game was there. I'm not playing games. I don't like it. I don't agree with this Wilson shit. I knew Courtney Wilson. She was a pretty white girl. She wasn't bad, trying to kill people. She was cool, as far as I knew.

I don't have a reason to be mad at people. Last night somebody tried to stunt with a threat over here. Why would you do that to a church. It's not like I was in the parking lot screaming out. I was in a room, talking to myself. When can't you do that in USA? Where there is free speech? You  didn't threaten those people who got me fired. You didn't tell them anything for stopping my work. That was cool. But talking alone in the church? Naw, that's not cool. You gotta stop that or else.

Or else what? Who do you think you are? What can you do God Cannot Do? You're still mad aren't you?

Get over yourself.

You act like you have a right to be mad. You don't. You made several mistakes. The first one was believing you are right. The second is threatening anyone. The third is preparing to act on those threats. Why? Because you already had it planned out.

Why lie and say it was me? Why not say I just want to cause trouble. Here's my chance? Tell the truth.

Quit all this bullshit, man. I said punk. I meant punk. People are acting like punks. They want someone to be scared of them. If it's 30 degrees outside, you'll freeze. You're not ready for Big life. You're just acting bad because it's popular. You're a follower. Only a follower would get mad at a church.

I'm not ascared anymore. When I was young, I was afraid. But if I can't have my woman, what am I fighting for? There's no one else out there for me. All these other people came later, after the fact. Oh you're strong, oh you're this, that. All this later. Then some woman. She didn't earn all that I have. She wasn't there to cultivate it. It grew with Brenda. But she ran away. Just like I did.

One time she got mad and stomped her feet. I ran away. I got in my car and left. I just drove off. I don't know why.

I came back later with a flower. But I don't know why I ran away.

It must have been because, in that backyard, many things had happened, not concerning me. I came later. So I didn't earn her, you know what I mean? I wasn't there to make who she was. I just came there and came up.

So now, she met me, and became influenced. Had the experience, and began to fight the form. What was happening, she was becoming, strand by strand, mine. She was becoming my queen all along. But she didn't want to.

So she left. She got with other men, touched other dicks. Probably got pregnant and had another kid. I'm just out of the loop.

Then years later now, I have a dream about her thinking, oh, she loves me, hho nice. But it was God warning me. Telling me that she had gone away, and that all this love I feel or whatever, was a product of my mind only.

So if I'm powerful enough to simulate love, then what else can I do? Lord Jesus Christ Is The King. This is because  it's true. A man is making money off that today. So there. I get next to nothing, cleaning out sinks and helping out ladies off the the floor, and others are making money, doing more. But I still love you.

I forgive you. Regardless. I doubt you forgive me. For whatever I did. I doubt the world has enough heart to forgive.

There was some red wave. Some people. I saw a lady who was very only. She looked pregnant. I thought that was wierd, for her to be pregnant at that age. But that's what I was asking! I was asking Brenda to be pregnant at a wired age!

She had her kids! I was delusional! Like the song says! I wanted to some shit I wasn't going to get!

Oh well.

But at least I had some when I did. At least I tasted love Lord. At least I know what that's like. At least I know what love is. I can tell the difference. Maybe that will help somebody.

It's all a matter of just help. Don't worry about what you're going to get. The Children are not worthless. No child is worthless. All children are God's babies. Don't throw them under the bus. Your little ego, whoever is crying, will heal. Stop crying so hard about your feeling you shouldn't be having. After all, this is being written in a room with no people around. All this your're doing is extra.

So there you have it. Freedom of speech compromized by Mexicans. Good deal. Will you let it, hell naw. You just deal with it like I gotta deal with being out of work. I had a job I don't have now. I had another job I got KICKed out of. And the only reason is, you didn't like me.

So there. Be happy feel glad about that. I will continue to have dreams that tell me the truth. You all are people, so with people, you gotta take the good with the bad.

And I know a little about the bad.

I  wish Brena well always. I'm just sad to say I love a myth. In my mind at least, we were able to walk by some water. and I at least cared about her and felt she cared about me. Wanted to be there. Wanted to be by my side.

Why do I need a companion? Why can't I just be an angel or something, with no organs? What do I do with these, Lord? I don't want to waste them. Maybe I save them, but how long? It's like I was a dud, like Meriam said.

What a waste then. But no, I don't feel that down. It feels rather than I made a mistake and God is just sparing me. I don't want to work ourside. I want to work inside, online. Why can't I make $100 a day online. I can.

I like myself.
I like myself.
I like myself.

I can do this. I can make $100 a day online.

I hope soon the post where I reveal how I did it.

Much love.

In the Name of Lord Jesus Christ, my goal is:

"I make a net worth of $9 million dollars by 35."


Amen.